So many times we as men the leaders, the protectors of our families, the providers, the person of strength or the person our wives and children look to for direction and safety are carrying hidden wounds the eyes that the natural man cannot see. We as men a lot of times go through our lives projecting this image that we have it all together on the outside through our work and monetary success, but that can often be the farthest thing from the truth.

Why is this? Why are men the ones who cannot show their brokenness and express their needs for genuine help? Why is it that we cannot expose the things that have broken us; and we keep hidden until it festers into a nasty sore spot of uncontrollable emotion.

I will start. When I was a child my mother had many boyfriends who was extremely abusive to myself and my younger brother. I also was molested by a cousin when I was a child. That took many years for me to be able to speak about. I remember abuse from two of my mothers boyfriends like it was yesterday. These traumas had followed me around my entire life never knowing how to process that pain of not having someone to protect me or save me from these men's terror they would inflict on my brother and myself. 

The first of these men who is now dead from a drug overdose would beat my younger brother with a paddle he called blacky. When I would try and stop him and protect my brother, this man would lock me in the rooster pin. He was a rooster fighter. He raised trained, fought and sold prized fighting rooster. So when I stood up for my brother as a little boy, I would get thrown in the rooster pin and they would flog me. I remember screaming and crying because these big birds would flog me to death, the more I fought back, the more these monster of birds to a little boy: would attack.

The second of these men was very sick in his mind as well. Anytime I cried or showed any ounce of fear, he was determined to break me from being afraid. He would take me and set me on the very peak of the steepest part of the roof of his house and take the ladder away and leave me there so I couldn't get down, when my mother was not around. I did everything I could to hide from that man. I would hide in closets and under the bed, under vehicles; I would avoid eating just because I was afraid he would stick me on the roof and leave me forever. I was terrified of this guy, as a child. I remember feeling so alone and helpless like no one loved me and was never going to save me. I wanted to die. It was a scary thing to experience as a little boy.

The child molester would do horrible things to myself and my brother, I'm not going to go into detail. These things scarred our hearts and minds sexually. These scars carried into our adult lives and us being men we cannot go around blabbing these things asking for help on how to deal with these broken areas in our lives. It is and was humiliating.

NOW THAT I HAVE LEFT MYSELF EXPOSED AND VUNERABLE !

WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS ?

HOW DO I STOP ALLOWING THE THINGS THESE EVIL PEOPLE DID TO ME, FROM BECOMING A WEAPON AGAINST THOSE WHO LOVE ME IF THEY GET TO CLOSE TO THE PAIN I HAVE NOT DEALT WITH?

Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.

When we become exposed and vulnerable before the Lord, this allows the work for healing he has already provided to begin to work in our lives. We can begin to see the enemies plan to destroy us , TRYING TO KEEP us from coming into the knowledge of our salvation in Jesus Christ.

The more time we spend dealing with the pains of our traumas even when it hurts so bad you would rather die then face that agony again. 

REMEMBER YOU HAVE A ADVOCATE WITH THE FATHER WHO WILL FIGHT FOR YOU!

HEALING CAN COME! IN JESUS NAME!

Psalm 55 Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.

Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise;

Because of the voice of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked: for they cast iniquity upon me, and in wrath they hate me.

My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me.

Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me.

And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.

Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah.

I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.

Destroy, O Lord, and divide their tongues: for I have seen violence and strife in the city.

10 Day and night they go about it upon the walls thereof: mischief also and sorrow are in the midst of it.

11 Wickedness is in the midst thereof: deceit and guile depart not from her streets.

12 For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him:

13 But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.

14 We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.

15 Let death seize upon them, and let them go down quick into hell: for wickedness is in their dwellings, and among them.

16 As for me, I will call upon God; and the Lord shall save me.

17 Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.

18 He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me: for there were many with me.

19 God shall hear, and afflict them, even he that abideth of old. Selah. Because they have no changes, therefore they fear not God.

20 He hath put forth his hands against such as be at peace with him: he hath broken his covenant.

21 The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords.

22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

23 But thou, O God, shalt bring them down into the pit of destruction: bloody and deceitful men shall not live out half their days; but I will trust in thee.

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